Rather than trying to change our behaviours, challenge our thoughts, or push away uncomfortable emotions, what if we could get to know them instead? Imagine if these traits weren’t dysfunctional aspects of our personality that needed fixing, but rather scared or hurt parts of us that needed care and attention.
This is the idea behind Internal Family Systems (IFS) therapy, a unique approach to psychotherapy. IFS suggests that much of the psychological pain we experience is actually caused by parts of us—subpersonalities, if you will—each with its own set of thoughts, feelings, and motivations. These parts often become "stuck" in the past, attempting to protect us from perceived threats, even when those threats no longer exist. For instance, a people-pleasing part might struggle to say no, an inner critic might harshly judge every misstep, or a fearful part might feel overwhelmed by life’s uncertainties.
Through IFS therapy, you can turn inward and build relationships with these parts, gaining a deeper understanding of them. This connection allows you to help your parts step out of their protective roles or unburden themselves from the emotional weight they carry, which can profoundly change how you experience life in the present. If you’re considering starting your IFS journey, here are some tips to help you along the way.
1. Not as Strange as it Sounds
When I first heard about “parts” in IFS therapy, I remember thinking, "That sounds strange. I never thought about myself in this way." However, despite the initial unfamiliarity, I’ve found that conceptualising personality through parts is one of the most accurate and insightful ways to understand ourselves. Most people I work with also resonate with this idea, reporting that it feels more natural than they initially expected.
Though the idea of "talking to our parts" might seem bizarre at first, it’s often far more comfortable than anticipated. In IFS therapy, you’ll soon find that interacting with parts of yourself feels intuitive, even if it’s a different approach from traditional therapies. By embracing the notion of parts, you allow yourself to explore deeper emotional truths, helping you understand why certain feelings or behaviors persist in your life.
2. Understanding Parts
In IFS therapy, the term "parts" refers to the semi-autonomous aspects of our personality that together form who we are. Some parts of us are wounded, while others function in healthy ways. Often, the parts we want to work with in therapy are the ones stuck in painful or protective roles. However, even the parts we might want to ignore or reject—such as the inner critic or the anxious part—are ultimately trying to help us. These parts often develop out of a desire to protect us, even when their methods may not always serve our best interests.
IFS therapists encourage clients to think of their parts as individuals with their own thoughts, feelings, and goals. A helpful exercise is to start noticing your parts in everyday life. You can write down descriptions of how they show up, what they say, and what they seem to want. As you explore, you may discover new information about your parts, which can help guide your healing process.
Example: A client may notice that they have a "critical part" that often berates them for making mistakes. By writing down how this part feels and what it seems to want, they might realise that the critic is actually trying to push them to succeed and avoid failure.
3. The Self: Your Core of Healing
One of the most powerful concepts in IFS therapy is the Self. The Self is not considered a part, but rather the core of who we are—the seat of our consciousness. It’s the part of us that possesses qualities like calmness, clarity, compassion, courage, and confidence. These traits are known in IFS as the “8 Cs” of the Self.
Even though we may not always feel connected to these qualities, they are always present, like the sun behind the clouds. The goal of IFS therapy is to help you access your Self, which is the key to healing your parts. When parts of us are burdened with pain or stuck in protective roles, they often "blend" with our Self, making it difficult to experience the 8 Cs. However, as you build a relationship with your parts and allow them to step out of their roles, the Self can shine through, guiding the healing process.
A simple way to start connecting with your Self is by practicing mindfulness or breathing exercises. IFS founder Richard Schwartz suggests breathing exercises to help parts unblend from the Self, creating more space for healing. As you practice, see if you begin to notice any of the 8 Cs—perhaps a bit more calmness, curiosity, or compassion for yourself.
Example: Someone might start a breathing exercise before their IFS session and notice that their anxious part begins to step back, allowing them to experience a sense of calm and clarity.
4. Read all About it
If you're curious about diving deeper into IFS therapy, there are some excellent resources to help you understand the approach more fully. Richard Schwartz, the creator of IFS, has written numerous books on the subject, including the highly accessible “No Bad Parts” (2021). This book is a fantastic starting point for anyone interested in Internal Family Systems, as it explains the nature of parts and how to work with them in a clear, engaging way.
While some of Schwartz’s earlier publications are more clinical, “No Bad Parts” is designed for the general public, making it a great introduction for those new to IFS therapy. I frequently recommend this book to clients who are starting their IFS journey, as it offers valuable insights and practical tips for working with parts.
Conclusion
Starting your Internal Family Systems therapy journey can be a deeply transformative experience. By learning to understand and connect with the different parts of yourself, you open the door to healing and self-compassion. Whether you’re working with a professional IFS therapist or exploring the practice on your own, the tips above can help you navigate the process with greater clarity and ease.
Remember, there’s no rush in this journey. Your parts will reveal themselves in their own time, and with the guidance of your Self, you can help them heal and step out of the protective roles they’ve taken on.
If you’re ready to embark on this journey, consider consulting an IFS therapist in your area or reading up on the approach to start discovering your parts today.