Understanding and Applying the Six F's of IFS

Internal Family Systems (IFS) is a transformative model that views the mind as made up of multiple sub-personalities or "parts," each with its own perspective, emotions, and needs. At the core of IFS is the idea that there is a Self that is inherently wise and compassionate, capable of leading the parts towards healing and harmony.

The Six F's is a powerful technique within IFS that helps you connect with and understand your parts. However, it's essential to recognise that while you can make significant progress on your own, working with particularly wounded or "exiled" parts often requires the guidance of a skilled IFS practitioner. Here's a step-by-step guide to using the Six F's in your self-work, with a mindful awareness of your limits.

1. Find the Part

The first step in working with your parts is to find the one that needs attention. This usually begins with noticing a thought, feeling, or behaviour that has been bothering you. For example, you might feel a wave of anxiety before a social event or notice an inner voice that criticises you harshly.

• How to do it: Sit quietly, take a few deep breaths, and invite your attention inward. Ask yourself, “Who in me is feeling this way?” Wait for a sensation, image, or thought to arise that represents the part.

2. Focus on the Part

Once you've found the part, the next step is to focus on it. This involves getting to know the part more intimately by paying attention to how it feels, where it resides in your body, and what thoughts or images are associated with it.

• How to do it: Bring your attention to the part you’ve identified. Notice where it shows up in your body—perhaps a tightness in your chest, a knot in your stomach, or a dull ache in your head. Stay with it for a moment, allowing it to fully exist in your awareness.

3. Flesh Out the Part

To deepen your understanding, flesh out the part by exploring its qualities and characteristics. What does it look like? How does it sound? What emotions does it carry? This step helps you see the part as a distinct entity within your internal system.

• How to do it: Ask the part to show you more about itself. It might present itself as a younger version of you, a certain color, or even an abstract shape. Notice its tone, energy, and the feelings it evokes.

4. Feel Toward the Part

Now, shift your focus to how you feel toward this part. This step is crucial because it reveals whether you are approaching the part from a place of compassion and curiosity (the qualities of the Self) or if you are blended with another part that might be judging or fearing it.

• How to do it: Ask yourself, “How do I feel toward this part?” If you feel curious, compassionate, or calm, you're in Self. If not, you may be blended with another part—perhaps a protector that doesn’t trust the exiled part. If this happens, you might need to step back and find the protector first, acknowledging its role before continuing.

5. Befriend the Part

To create a trusting relationship, it’s important to befriend the part. This means letting the part know that you see it, understand it, and want to help. This step can open up communication and begin the healing process.

• How to do it: Gently engage with the part. Let it know that you appreciate its efforts to protect you, even if those efforts are now causing issues. Ask the part what it needs from you and listen to its response without judgment.

6. Fears

The final step, Fear, involves querying any fears or concerns a part has if it didn't do it's job. Sometimes, parts hold onto their roles because they fear what might happen if they change or let go. It's crucial to respect these fears and to be aware of your own boundaries in self-work.

• How to do it: Ask the part if it has any fears or concerns about changing or stepping back. Listen without trying to push it to change. If you feel overwhelmed or if the part's emotions are too intense, it's a sign to pause and, if needed, seek the help of a trained IFS therapist. Understanding that not all work can or should be done alone is an important part of respecting your internal system.

Understanding Your Limits

While the Six F's can guide you in exploring and healing your parts, it's crucial to recognise that self-work has its limits. Exiled parts, which are often burdened with trauma and pain, can be particularly challenging to work with alone. These parts might carry memories and emotions that are too overwhelming for you to hold by yourself.

If you find yourself struggling with a part, or if the process brings up intense emotions that feel unmanageable, it's essential to seek out a trained IFS therapist. They can provide the necessary containment, guidance, and safety to work with these parts in a way that fosters true healing.

Final Thoughts

Using the Six F's of IFS can be a powerful tool for self-discovery and healing. By Finding, Focusing, Fleshing Out, Feeling toward, and Befriending your parts, you can cultivate a deeper understanding of yourself and begin to heal from within. However, always be mindful of your own limits and the importance of seeking support when needed. True healing often requires a balance of self-work and guided therapy, especially when dealing with deeply wounded parts.