Social anxiety is a common experience that can feel overwhelming, but Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) offers practical tools to help manage it. CBT helps us understand how our thoughts, behaviours, and feelings are interconnected, and by addressing certain patterns, we can reduce anxiety and feel more at ease in social situations. This post will focus on three key CBT strategies for overcoming social anxiety: reducing self-focus, dropping safety behaviours, and committing to our values despite fear.
1. Reducing Self-Focus: Turning the Spotlight Outward
One of the core features of social anxiety is an intense focus on ourselves. This self-focus often involves worrying about how we’re being perceived, scrutinising every word we say, and overanalysing how others might judge us. While it may feel like we’re preparing or protecting ourselves, this inward focus can actually intensify anxiety and make us feel more self-conscious.
CBT encourages us to shift our attention outward. Rather than focusing on ourselves, we can try to engage more with our environment and the people around us. A few tips for reducing self-focus include:
Active Listening: Focus on what the other person is saying, rather than what you’ll say next or how you’re coming across.
Mindfulness: Pay attention to your surroundings. Notice the sights, sounds, and sensations in the present moment instead of getting lost in anxious thoughts.
Curiosity: Be curious about the people you’re interacting with. What can you learn from them? This approach helps take the pressure off ourselves and leads to more natural, less anxious conversations.
2. Dropping Safety Behaviours: Letting Go of Our Shields
Safety behaviours are the things we do to protect ourselves from feared outcomes, like avoiding eye contact, rehearsing what we’ll say, or avoiding social situations altogether. While these behaviours may reduce anxiety in the short term, they keep us from learning that the situation might not be as threatening as we think.
In CBT, we learn to gradually drop these safety behaviours, allowing ourselves to fully experience social interactions without relying on crutches. This might feel uncomfortable at first, but it’s an essential part of breaking the cycle of anxiety. Here are some steps to get started:
Identify Your Safety Behaviours: Pay attention to what you do to feel "safe" in social situations. Are you constantly planning what to say? Avoiding eye contact? Trying to blend in or stay unnoticed?
Experiment with Letting Go: Try small steps at first, like making eye contact or allowing pauses in conversation without rushing to fill the silence. Over time, these experiments will help you see that social situations are less threatening than they seem.
Practice in Low-Stakes Settings: Start practising in situations where the stakes feel lower, such as casual conversations with friends. As your confidence grows, you can apply these skills in more challenging settings.
3. Following Your Values: Feeling the Fear and Doing It Anyway
A key concept in CBT is the idea that we don’t have to wait for anxiety to disappear before we take action. Instead of letting fear dictate our decisions, we can choose to live according to our values. This involves identifying what truly matters to us—whether it’s building meaningful relationships, advancing in our career, or pursuing hobbies—and taking steps toward those goals, even when we feel anxious.
Living by our values allows us to shift our focus from short-term relief (avoiding discomfort) to long-term fulfilment (pursuing what’s meaningful). Here’s how to use your values to guide your actions:
Clarify Your Values: What’s important to you? Is it being a good friend, contributing to your community, or personal growth? These values can guide your actions when anxiety arises.
Set Value-Based Goals: Once you’ve identified your values, set small, achievable goals that align with them. For example, if building friendships is important to you, a goal might be to attend a social event or initiate a conversation.
Take Action, Even with Anxiety: The goal isn’t to eliminate fear but to take steps toward what you value despite feeling anxious. The more you practice, the more confidence you’ll gain, and the less power anxiety will have over your life.
Final Thoughts: The Power of Practice
Overcoming social anxiety takes time, patience, and practice. CBT provides practical tools for shifting your focus outward, letting go of safety behaviours, and living in line with your values, even in the face of fear. By using these techniques, you can gradually reduce your anxiety and engage more fully in social situations, ultimately leading to a more connected and fulfilling life.
Feeling the fear and doing it anyway isn’t about being fearless—it’s about showing up for what matters, even when fear is present. When we take small steps to face social anxiety, we open the door to growth, confidence, and deeper relationships. The journey is ongoing, and every bit of progress counts.
